At 35 I felt pretty consumed with anxiety about the very real possibility of missing out on motherhood. I was single and as a result it felt that with every passing day my chances of having a baby were slipping away.

I really wanted to create my own little family, but I just couldn’t meet someone to make it happen with. By the time I finally did meet someone maybe I would be too old to be able to have a baby. It seemed like all my friends were all getting married and having children and I was being left behind.

The major decision about whether to give up my dream of having a baby in a loving partnership or whether to pursue solo motherhood was at the forefront of my mind.

I worked really hard to not let the anxiety of missing out on motherhood take over my life. I had a job I loved. My friendship group and social life was amazing. I travelled the world, having adventures. But it was with me. It was always on my mind.

Looking back, this is the advice I would have given my 35 year old self:

Change your dating strategy

  • As hard as it can be, try to separate dating from wanting a baby
  • Don’t pursue men that have no interest in you
  • Don’t waste any time at all with the wrong person
  • Know that it is highly unlikely that someone who tells you they are not ready for commitment will suddenly realise they are now ready
  • Acknowledge that it’s better to be single than with a person that doesn’t want the same things as you
  • Use a dating coach to try to identify where you may have been going wrong and what to do differently
  • Remember you don’t need to meet a romantic partner to have a baby

Understand your fertility

  • Take fertility tests to get a better picture of your current fertility levels. This can help you make a decision about your next steps (use the code STORK to get 20% of these tests)

Make the most of the small things

  • Go to as many yoga classes as possible (if you become a mum it’ll be pretty hard to make classes)
  • Enjoy taking a train and having the option to read, sleep or work!
  • Revel in taking a flight and being able to sit quietly alone
  • Make the most of being able to go where you want, when you want
  • Savour every moment of lying on a sun lounger and reading a book in total peace and quiet

Rewrite your life script

  • Let go of what you thought would happen in your life and embrace the possibilities of a different set of events
  • Take some pressure off yourself knowing that the option of starting the journey towards solo motherhood is there for you
  • Know that you will be able to manage solo if that’s what you decide to do
  • Identify any barriers standing in your way to achieving your dream and work out how to break them down
  • Know that for every route that doesn’t work out the way you had hoped, there will be something else for you

What advice would you give your younger self? Have I missed any vital tips, or do you disagree with any of these ones? Are you worried about missing out on motherhood, are any of these points helpful?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Photo by Frame Harirak on Unsplash

Categories: Solo mum

Mel Johnson

Founder of The Stork and I, following my path to solo motherhood.

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