Am I too fussy to meet a romantic partner?
One reason more women are choosing solo motherhood is that they are becoming too fussy when finding a partner. This is what I have seen commented on recently. I’m not sure I agree.
I’ve had people question me about whether this is the reason I’ve never met someone to have a baby with. Is it because I was being too fussy they ask me?
I have spent some time reviewing these comments. Considering whether I felt there was any truth in them, in my case, or not.
These are the questions I asked myself:
- Is it wrong that I want my future partner to have good morals?
- Is it being too picky to expect someone to commit to me alone. Not be seeing multiple women at once?
- Is it unreasonable to imagine that my future partner would have a job, any job?
- Am I being unrealistic to think that I should hold out for someone who is kind?
- Is it being too fussy wanting to date someone who is honest?
- Is it too demanding to hope that someone would treat me with respect?
- Is it too picky to think that someone I was going to choose the rest of my life to be with would be able to communicate their feelings to me?
- Is it too fussy to want my life partner to have a similar outlook, ambitions and lust for life as I do?
- Should I settle for someone who I have no romantic connection to but likes me and wants children?
Having considered what I am looking for, I really feel like I’ve not been too picky! I’m not discounting people because they have the wrong colour hair, or I don’t like the clothes they wear, or their accent or any other small irrelevant points.
If that’s the description of too picky then maybe I should have just looked for anyone who was willing to settle down and have children with me. Maybe that’s the expectation of some people. If this is the case then you’re right… I am too picky! I’m happy with that. In my view, that’s better than settling for someone who isn’t right for me. Being unhappy and separating later down the line causing untold upset and disruption.
Do you think more women are choosing solo motherhood as we are being too picky, or are there other reasons? I’d love to hear your views on this in the comments below.
If you are currently considering solo motherhood, check out my Group Coaching Course Going Solo to help support you in this decision.
Photo by Carlos Quintero on Unsplash
No, you’re not being too picky! Thank you for writing this. I think most single women have been told this; I beat myself up about it sometimes, wondering if it’s true. In reality, I’m choosing to be a solo mum because my fiancé abandoned me after I lost three pregnancies. I put everything into that relationship and even moved across the world for him and his existing children, but he couldn’t cope with the losses. I was almost 37. My previous boyfriend announced after nearly a year together that he had decided he never wanted to be a father, despite being really keen when we met. The first solo mum by choice that I ever met was in a relationship from 15 to 35 then suddenly dumped. It’s all about timing, not just finding the a man, it’s about finding the right one at the right time, who wants the same thing. If that doesn’t happen in a particular time window, we can lose our chance to be mothers entirely. Solo motherhood is a much better choice and it doesn’t mean we have given up on finding the right partner, without the time pressure.
Thanks Jane. Totally agree xx