At some point, almost every solo parent has had the thought. You’re looking at your bank account, or your holiday budget (or lack thereof), or the kitchen you’d love to renovate, and it creeps in ‘if there were two of us, this would be easier.’

And in many cases, it probably would be. Let’s not pretend that’s never true. Two incomes can make certain things more straightforward and if that’s been your experience, that feeling is valid.

But here’s the thing about the two-income comparison: it’s not a fair one. And the more you make it, the more it steals the joy from the life you’re actually building

You’re not comparing like for like

When we imagine the two-income version of our life, we tend to imagine the absolute best case version of it. Two salaries, shared bills, a partner who pulls their weight equally, no conflict about money, a united front on all financial decisions.

That version exists. It also exists alongside versions where one partner earns significantly less (but potentially still spends more), where one person manages the finances as a form of power, where disagreements about money and spending are a source of constant tension, where one person carries most of the load while the other spends freely, where you have wildly different preferences about what money is spent on.

The two-income household is not a guaranteed upgrade. It’s a different set of circumstances, with its own complexities. When you compare your real life to someone else’s imagined one, you will always feel like you’re falling behind, because you’re not comparing real things.

What ‘enough’ actually means

Society has a complicated relationship with ‘enough’. We’re surrounded by messaging that tells us more is better, that having less means being less, that more money will make us happier. And social media pours fuel on that fire, showing us carefully curated snapshots of what everyone else appears to have, and leaving us wondering why we don’t have it too.

Solo parents tend to develop a different relationship with enough, often out of necessity, and usually without even realising it. When you have to be intentional about where your money goes, you get very clear about what you actually value. When you can’t defer financial decisions to someone else, you get very good at making them. When you manage everything yourself, you develop a confidence in your own capability that no joint account or second income can give you.

That is not a consolation prize. Those are genuinely life skills.

The comparison that’s actually worth making

Instead of measuring your one income against a hypothetical two, it can be more useful to measure your life against what you said you wanted. Not what you thought you should want, or what looks good from the outside, or what others have. What you actually wanted.

A family. Your child. A home you’ve made yours. A life you chose with intention.

By that measure, how are you doing?

I’d guess you’re doing better than the comparison trap has been telling you. The trap is designed to make you feel behind. You are not behind. You are living a life that many people don’t have the clarity or the option to choose.

Enough is not settling. Enough is recognising what you already have

You can always long for a bigger home, or your own home, fancier holidays, more holidays, more savings, a higher salary. That list never ends. The only thing that changes is whether you spend your life chasing it, or decide to make the most of where you are right now.

You built this. On your own terms, on your own income, in your own way. That’s not a lesser version of something. That deserves to be celebrated.

If you’re finding it hard to make ends meet or afford the basics, please know that support is out there. Both Gingerbread and Citizens Advice offer free, practical help and are well worth reaching out to.

And if you want to go deeper on the finances conversation, we have three podcast episodes inside the Thriving Solo Membership dedicated to managing your money as a solo parent. Head inside to take a listen.