Why I’d love to connect with my daughters donor siblings

by | May 30, 2024 | Donor Siblings

My daughter is donor conceived. I had her on my own as a solo mum using IVF and donor sperm. I’ve talked confidently with her about this ever since she was born. I’ve often wondered about the significance of her genetic heritage. In the beginning, I played it down in my mind as that was easier for me. Since then, I have learned more and I now know more on this subject. I now understand that knowing more about her DNA may be important to her. This includes the possibility of her trying to find her donor siblings.

Through interviewing donor conceived people and experts in this field for my podcast, and also speaking to other parents who have connected with their childrens donor siblings, I have started to better recognise the potential value for my daughter, in understanding her biological roots. This is why the prospect of connecting with her donor siblings is appealing to me.

Why I’m looking for my daughters donor siblings: 

There are a couple of reasons why for us, I believe it is the right decision to try to connect with donor siblings:

  1. Intrigue and connection: Right now, I am extremely curious about what donor siblings might be out there. Where might they be? What structure is their family? Do they look like my daughter? Are there any other similarities? Although my daughter is possibly slightly too young to have much curiosity about this right now, she may well be curious in the future as she gets older. These connections offer the opportunity for my daughter to form connections with individuals who share a unique aspect of their identity. Enriching her life with new relationships and experiences.
  2. Doing the work: Many of the donor conceived people I have interviewed for my podcast said that they have appreciated when their parents have done the work for them to find their donor siblings. I am trying to do the work now, rather than leaving it all up to my daughter as an adult.
  3. Building Community: For us, family is defined very broadly. It’s all the people in our lives who love us and look out for us. People we enjoy spending time with. Our tribe, our community. My daughter has no siblings that live with us and I will not be having any more children. By connecting with her donor siblings, my daughter will hopefully have the opportunity to build a supportive community of individuals who share a common genetic link. I have heard from donor conceived people that this sense of belonging can be immensely reassuring and empowering with the potential to enrich her life. I’d love for this connection to happen when she is still in her childhood.  If not, hopefully she can find her donor siblings as she grows up.
  4. Understanding Identity: By connecting with her donor siblings, my daughter can gain valuable insights into her genetic heritage, possibly helping her form a more complete understanding of who she is.
  5. Understanding medical history: Understanding our medical history is so important for our health and well being. By connecting with her donor siblings, my daughter may be able to access valuable information about her genetics, empowering her to make informed decisions about her health.
  6. As the parent I make the decisions right now: Ultimately, as with most aspects of my daughters life, it is currently my decision to make for us. I chose which school she went to, what she eats, how we spend our time and who we spend it with. This is purely one more decision I will make for us, until my daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. As with everything I’ll be guided by her every step of the way. If at any point this is not something she wants to pursue, I will absolutely listen to that.
How I’m searching for my daughters donor siblings: 

In order to try to find her donor siblings I have done the following:

  • Written to the HFEA and have subsequently had the confirmation back that she does have donor siblings and they are all a similar age to her (this made me even more curious)
  • Joined the Whatsapp Group for people looking to connect with donor siblings from Semovo Sperm Bank
  • Joined the Facebook Group for people looking to connect with donor siblings from Semovo Sperm Bank
  • Joined DCP Data, which is an online platform that connects donor-conceived people and recipient parents to their sibling pod and to up-to-date health information where it is available (Affiliate Link)
The decision to DNA Test

I have not used DNA testing because I don’t want to find people we weren’t looking for at this moment in time. I am hoping that regulations in the UK change in the future and as a result it will become possible to be officially connected with donor siblings from our childrens birth. In the meantime, as more and more people join DCP Data my hope is that it will help us to connect with donor siblings in a more facilitated way.

Conclusion

I’m embracing the journey of connecting with my daughters’ donor siblings because I believe it to be in her best interest. While the path to make those connections may be filled with uncertainties, I believe that these connections have the potential to enrich her life in ways I can’t even imagine. And if they don’t what will we have lost from trying?

As always, I’m sharing my personal views on this topic. How I have made the right decision for me and my family. At the same time, this may be different for you and that’s totally fine.

 

I’d love to hear your stories of connecting with donor siblings and how it has worked out for you.

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