When I first embarked on my journey to solo parenthood more than 7 years ago I had a very clear idea of how I believed things to be. 

I’ve recently been reflecting on how much I’ve learnt since embarking on solo parenthood and how different my views are now. 

So much of that is due to the generous insights the numerous donor conceived people I have interviewed have shared with me. 

I thought it would be useful to summarise some of the key things that I now have a different view on to when I started my journey.

• Initially I felt that the donor just donated a part of DNA that was biologically necessary, but would have no bearing on our lives after the donation. I now know that for many it is so much more than this and that my daughter might be interested to understand where that DNA came from, be curious about her genetics and to meet the donor and donor siblings. 
• I didn’t give much thought to the fact that there could be other children created using the same sperm and I certainly didn’t think donor siblings would be part of our family. I am now actively trying to find the recipient families that used the same donor and would love to be connected with them before my daughter is 18.
• I didn’t realise that how I felt about my situation, would impact my daughter so much. I am now extremely mindful about how I talk about our situation to her and in front of her, so she feels confident and proud.
• I knew I needed to ensure my daughter understood she was donor conceived, I didn’t fully realise the importance of regularly discussing it with her as she grows up. I now ensure that this is a continued conversation.
• I was confidently communicating that my daughter didn’t have a father as that is what I truly believed to be true. I’m now much more mindful about language I use and the fact that she does have a biological father, but not a dad in her life that has helped to raise her.
• I didn’t give any thought to whether it would be useful for my daughter to know anyone else who was donor conceived.  I now take real care to ensure she has a group of friends she can chat to, who will understand better than most her family situation.

If you would like more details, some of the key interviews with donor conceived people, raised by solo parents, that have provided me some of these insights are:

Kiara Schuh, Episode 2, Thriving Solo Podcast
Natasha Fox, Live Event
Jeremy (Half of Us), Episode 1, Thriving Solo Podcast

Thriving Solo Members can listen to all of these interviews completely free.

To learn all about how to confidently communicate to our children about being donor conceived and raised by solo parents, consider joining Solo Parenthood Conversations, the 3 week Group Coaching Course for those looking to confidently communicate solo parenthood, to their children and those around them.

I’d love to hear what you have learnt and what views have changed since you started on this journey.

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash