I am a solo mum to a 5 and a half month old and in that time I have picked up some do’s and dont’s that in my opinion will make your life easier and allow you to thrive.

From my learnings so far I would give the following advice:

  • Recognise that you’re not in a totally different situation to some mums whose partners are not around so much.
  • Ensure you have a great support network around you and be really clear what help you need from people.
  • Don’t overshare with your friends, then get annoyed when they give you advice! Remember they are just trying to be helpful.
  • Fill your days with socialising and mum and baby activities, so that if you are on your own in the evenings, you don’t feel lonely, as you had such a packed social day.
  • Don’t worry about telling people you have done it alone. Most people are super supportive and if they are not, then they’re not your people.
  • Don’t get annoyed when your friends complain about their partners, be thankful no-one is driving you mad.
  • Organise something to do from 4pm – 6pm as that time can feel incredibly long counting down until bedtime routine starts.
  • Be thankful you haven’t got someone coming home and messing with your finely oiled routine!
  • Try to find other people in your situation to share experiences and time with.
  • Try to plan your diary so you don’t have long stretches of time on your own, but are surrounded by friends, especially at the weekends.
  • Don’t try to be a hero and do everything yourself, ask for help where you need it.
  • Be thankful you haven’t got a mother-in-law to interfere with how you do things. (I’m sure some people have awesome Mother In Laws, so feel free to discount this if that is the case)
  • Don’t feel bad for going out and having some adult time, you need some adult company, you deserve it.
  • Work to establish a group of friends with kids the same age. It’s amazing to have the support of people going through the exact same thing at the exact same time.
  • Consider trying to meet some other single parents, especially for weekend company when your other friends might be with their partners.
  • Don’t give up hope about ever meeting a partner, keep an open mind about it.
  • Don’t feel guilty for starting to date even though you have a baby, you can do more than just be a mum.
  • Don’t constantly compare yourself to others, do whatever works best for you to get through each day

This is just from my perspective what worked for me but I appreciate everyone is different so feel free to ignore anything that wouldn’t work for you.

 

I’d love to hear hints and tips from you about what advice you would give and what has worked for you.

 

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Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

Categories: Solo mum

Mel Johnson

Founder of The Stork and I, following my path to solo motherhood.

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