Becoming a mum under any circumstances can bring with it a set of challenges. There are many things that you can find to worry about, but when you are going through the process of choosing to have a baby on your own, there are some particular things that you might find more difficult. (there are also some things that are easier, I’ll write about them another time!)
I found that it wasn’t the classic concerns that were worrying me, but some slightly random things. It wasn’t how will I get through the nights on my own, will I have enough support, will I be a good mum, or any of the other more common worries. Instead my top 3 concerns were:
- Who would help me carry the baby out of hospital
How would it feel going to NCT class with my mum, rather than a partner
Would strangers think I’d got pregnant by accident
I know these seem very trivial and possibly a bit odd, but these were the things on my mind!
1) Who would help me carry the baby out of hospital
It’s that classic picture of hubby carrying the baby in the car seat out of the hospital that had me feeling a bit crazy! I’ve seen loads of them on my Facebook page. It was something I was obsessing with. Who would I get to be in that photo?
As it turns out, my mum and I carried the car seat between us out of hospital (it’s quite heavy!) whilst my dad went to get the car. I was so overwhelmed that I was taking my baby home and was now fully responsible for her well being, that I didn’t care who was carrying her or even give it a second thought.
2) Turning up to NCT class with my mum
I was concerned about how it would be doing the NCT classes with my mum. Would the others in the class think I was a bit strange bringing my mum with me, would mum feel out of place, would it be awkward doing certain parts of the class with mum. These questions were all going through my mind. As it turns out it was absolutely fine. The group I was with were all totally lovely and all very welcoming and supportive and I felt very at ease straight away. The course leader also was very accommodating and thoughtful, ensuring mum always felt comfortable throughout.
3) Strangers thinking I’d got pregnant by accident
I really try not to care what other people think, and I am not concerned about their judgement on my chosen path, but for some reason it was important to me that people didn’t think my pregnancy was an accident. I guess I wanted people to know how much I wanted my baby. I was very open throughout the process and explained my story to anyone who asked (and a few who didn’t!) This meant that most people I met, very quickly learnt the journey I’d been on.
I’d love to hear from you about what your main worries were if you’ve had a baby, or what they are if you’re thinking about it, in the comments (whether you are a solo mum or in any other situation). I’m sure we all have our own unique concerns.
For support through this process or to talk through the decision making phase, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org