One of the themes that comes up time and again in conversations with my coaching clients is this: “I’m not sure if I want children, especially on my own — but what if I regret not trying later?”

It’s a sensitive and complex place to sit. Parenthood is one of the biggest life decisions any of us can make, and when you’re considering stepping into it solo, the stakes can feel even higher. The fear of regret — of looking back in five, ten, or twenty years wishing you’d chosen differently — can be overwhelming.

So how do you untangle the fear of missing out, from a genuine desire to become a parent? And how do you know whether to take the leap into solo parenting when the choice feels filled with both possibility and hesitation?

Five things to reflect on:

1. Separate the fear of regret from genuine longing
Sometimes we mistake the anxiety of closing a door that possibly cannot then be reopened at a later date, for the true pull of wanting to walk through it now. They can feel similar, but they’re not the same.

Coaching prompt: If regret weren’t part of the equation, what would you actually want? Do you feel excitement at the thought of being a parent, or does it feel more like something you ‘should’ do so you don’t miss out?

2. Experiment with the idea of both futures
Try this thought exercise: imagine two versions of yourself 15 years from now. One has chosen solo parenthood, one hasn’t. What does each life look like? Which feels more aligned with the way you want to live — not just in terms of children, but in freedom, relationships, travel, career, lifestyle, finances, daily rhythm and anything else that might be important to you? Sometimes looking forward into the future helps the answer become clearer.

3. Find role models on both paths
Seek out examples of people thriving with children and those thriving without. Seeing both routes lived out well makes it easier to imagine yourself in either scenario.

4. Explore what you value most
For some, the desire to raise and love a child outweighs any uncertainty. For others, independence, financial freedom, and flexibility matter more. Some people can’t imagine a life where a lie-in is a luxury; others can’t imagine a life without children in it. Neither is wrong. Understanding your core values and preferences makes it easier to see whether solo parenting supports or clashes with them.

5. Reframe regret itself
Regret is a story we tell ourselves, and stories can always be rewritten. Whatever choice we make, we have the power to throw our energy into making it the right one for us, minimising the chance of feeling regret. Often, regret surfaces when life doesn’t feel how we hoped, and it’s easy to pin that dissatisfaction on not having children. But in many cases, the real issue is not fully embracing or making the most of the path we did choose. Those who feel fulfilled and live fully into their chosen life — with or without children — are far less likely to experience lasting regret.

Remember: certainty is rare

Many parents — partnered or not — will tell you they didn’t feel completely sure before having children. Waiting for perfect certainty might mean waiting forever. What matters more is whether you feel enough desire, resilience and support to take the next step.

What matters most

Solo parenthood shouldn’t be thought of as a plan B. It’s one of many valid, fulfilling paths to creating a family. If you’re caught between uncertainty and fear of regret, remember you don’t have to have all the answers today. Exploring your values, your vision for the future, and your capacity for resilience can help shift the question from “What if I regret it?” to “What feels right for me, here and now?

If you’re looking for more guidance, the Thriving Solo Membership offers a range of resources to support you on this journey.