As a solo parent who used a sperm donor to conceive, one of the questions I’ve been considering is whether to try to connect with my daughter’s donor siblings (families created through the same donor, meaning our children would share half of their DNA) while she is still growing up—or whether to wait until she can make that decision for herself.

After reflecting on my own experiences and what might benefit my daughter, I’ve realised I’m open to exploring these connections sooner rather than later. Here are five reasons why:

1. Doing the work myself

I’d like to start this search now so that the responsibility doesn’t fall entirely on my daughter when she’s older. It’s her choice whether or not to develop any relationships I might uncover, but I can at least do the groundwork—gathering information and making connections—so that she has the option available to her in the future. For me, that feels like an act of care: giving her tools and choices, rather than leaving her to figure it all out on her own.

2. Inspired by Others Experiences 

I’ve seen beautiful, heartwarming examples of families connecting with donor siblings and forming meaningful relationships. I’ve also seen situations where the connection didn’t develop, and that was okay too—the families simply drifted apart. Knowing both outcomes are possible reassures me that we can approach this with openness, without pressure for it to look a certain way.

3. Building on our idea of Family

Growing up in a blended family, I learned early on that “family” doesn’t always fit one neat definition. That perspective makes it easier for me to imagine that donor siblings could become part of our wider family story—or not. Either way is fine. I’ve personally found huge benefits from the strength of community that feels like part of my family. Being surrounded by people who share similar experiences has helped me feel understood and supported and like I belong. I imagine connecting with donor siblings might bring a similar sense of belonging—a unique bond with people connected not just by circumstance, but also by genetics.

4. Supporting Identity and Future Questions

At some point, my daughter may have questions about her genetics and identity. By connecting with donor siblings early, she could have a supportive, familiar group of people to explore that part of herself with. While she can already share experiences with her other donor-conceived friends, I believe it could feel especially powerful to do so with siblings who share the same donor.

5. Developing relationships

I believe there’s something special about building relationships from a young age. If my daughter meets donor siblings while she’s still growing up, those connections might feel easier to navigate, rather than trying to figure it all out later as adults. Starting earlier also gives relationships the chance to develop slowly over time, rather than being loaded with pressure from the start. And perhaps most importantly, it may save her from feeling like she missed out on years of knowing donor siblings who could have been part of her childhood.

Watch outs

The one thing I’ll be mindful of is managing expectations—especially for my daughter. I don’t want her to build up the idea of donor siblings so much that she feels let down if the reality looks different. Approaching it with curiosity and openness feels key.

How to Start Looking for Donor Sibling Families

If, like me, you’d like to explore connecting with donor siblings, there are a few ways to start:

• HFEA (in the UK): They can tell you how many siblings exist and their year of birth.

• Your clinic or sperm bank: Some will confirm the number of donor siblings they are aware of.

• Donor sibling networks: Websites such as the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) allow parents and donor-conceived people to connect using donor numbers or clinic details.

• Online groups and communities: Private Facebook groups and other donor conception networks can sometimes help families find each other. (our Manchester Fertility one is here)

• DNA testing services: Companies like AncestryDNA or 23andMe may reveal genetic connections, including donor siblings. This is a big step, though—sharing our children’s DNA is something to consider very carefully.

Finding matches can take time and isn’t guaranteed. I’ve personally been searching for a few years via Facebook groups and registries and haven’t found any matches yet, although I remain hopeful. I know that if and when I do connect, some families may not be ready for contact immediately or it may not feel right if we do meet and that’s okay too. That’s why it helps to keep an open mind and no fixed expectations.

What is your view or experience of connecting with donor siblings?

Photo by Sangharsh Lohakare on Unsplash